It's Not Goodbye
by BigTimeRush-BTR
Summary: He's not gone and he is definitely not forgotten. They could never forget him. He was a part of them all. They were just giving him a break from all the responsibility. They weren't letting go completely. They were just moving on.


**This may be the saddest thing I've written in some time. But, oh well!**

**Here's a little present I've been working on for someone… Ajay, this is for you. I hope you like it. I'm sorry Kendall isn't in this story, but he is mentioned. Once again, thank you for everything. :)**

Tears silently roll down his cheeks as he slips out of bed, his bare feet landing on the carpeted floor. As he puts on a pair of socks and sneakers, he can't help but stare forward. There stands the bed, as empty as ever. The covers are made, the pillow is fluffed, and a little stuffed moose sits on the pillow. But in his eyes, the bed is cold and empty because his best friend is not there to occupy it.

His heart aches and all he can do in order to not break down into sobs is walk out of the room and keep his gaze away from that bed. But yet, the apartment is filled with his best friend's presence. His hockey stick is still leaning against the wall near the door. His blanket is laid out on the bright, neon orange couch. Everything just reminds him of the boy he, his two remaining friends, his unofficial little sister, and his legal guardian lost that cold December night, just three days before.

Quietly and carefully he walks over to the couch, grabs the soft blue blanket from the couch and places it over his shoulders before walking out of the apartment. He doesn't really seem to know where he is going but yet in a way he does.

The cold winter air hits him on the face once he steps foot outside. He hugs the blanket even closer to his body. He blinks back tears when he takes in the scent of his best friend's shampoo from the blanket. The soft material brings him sadness and despair, but he can't seem to let go of it.

He can't seem to let go of his baby brother who had a heart so big that it sent him rolling off of the brink of death. He can't seem to let go of the boy who was so young, yet was wise beyond his years. He can't let go of the boy who sacrificed his life to save his own.

Somehow, he makes it to his destination. There, dozens of gravestones stick out of the cold, shallow ground, but only one of them sticks out through all of them.

Taking a deep breath, the boy kneels down in front of the gravestone, letting out even more tears than he can count. With a shaking hand, he wipes away the dirt the wind has blown over the hard gravestone and lets his fingers trace over the words and numbers engraved on the cold surface.

"Got a heart of gold, a perfect original…" The words slip from his lips before he even realizes it. Sobs he has been trying to keep in finally are set free and he leans his head against the gravestone, his tears sinking into the dry earth below him.

"W-why did you save me? You didn't have to do that. I'd rather have died if it meant keeping you alive. I-I'm so… so sorry you did that. B-but why, Ken…dall?" Tears pour out of his eyes as soon as he speaks his friend's name.

"Because he loved you."

Startled, the young boy turns around, his eyes wide with fright. However, the fright is replaced by more sadness when his eyes land on Carlos and James, his other two friends, who are standing behind him. Similar saddened looks are on their faces, their cheeks wet with crystal tears.

"What?"

"He loved you, Logie. That's why he risked his life to save your own," James answers before leaning down and sitting beside his shaking friend, wrapping an arm around the smaller boy's shoulders.

"But… Why did it have to happen to him? H-he meant everything to me," Logan whispers. He unconsciously rubs his hands together to keep warm and clutches the blanket closer.

"We know, Logez… He meant a lot to us as well. But… you two always had a special connection," Carlos can't help but add, taking a seat on the other side of Logan. Seeing the tears flowing down his younger friend's cheeks, he wipes them away with his thumb.

"H-he was there when my mother passed away. He was… the one who saved me from my father's abusive torture. He was by me every step of the way. He was everything to me my father never was! He was my rock… my brother. I loved him. He… c-can't… He can't be gone!"

James grasps the tiny brunette in his arms, whispering sweet words of consolation in his ear as he runs his hand through those soft, brown spikes of hair. "Shh, we know, Logie. We know, buddy. We miss him t-too." His voice cracks as tears pour from his eyes. "He was our baby brother. W-we… we miss him so much too, Logez."

"Guys, don't cry. We… we're gonna be okay. He's not completely gone," Carlos coos. He tries to wrap his arms around his two younger brothers but fails because his arms are just too short to do just that. Kendall would've been able to do so…

"What's gonna happen to us?" Logan finds himself asking the question everyone has been thinking since Kendall was killed; since the day he was hit by the van that sent him flying into the air and landing dead on the ground.

"We… we'll have to move on," Carlos croaks out. The other two boys' eyes widen because never did they think that Carlos would be the one to find words of wisdom in a time like this. That was always Kendall's job. But now that Kendall is gone, they will all have to share that part of the group.

"I know what you two are probably thinking. I sound like Kendall, don't I?" His friends nod. "Look, guys, we aren't replacing Kendall. We could never replace him. Think of it as giving him a break. He has stuck with us through thick and thin. Now, until we see him again, we'll have to be there for each other no matter what. He would want us to move on. He would want us to be happy and keep living our lives. Sure, it'll take some time to recover from his loss, but we will make it through. You guys wanna know why?"

"Why?" James and Logan ask in confusion.

"Because we have each other. We're still us; we're still a group."

"But Kendall is–"

"Logie, Kendall's not gone. It may feel like it, but he's not. He's still with us. In fact, he's probably sitting here right now. We may not be able to see him or sense his presence, but he is here. Always remember that. He'll always be by our side no matter what."

Logan gives a silent nod, burying his face into the crook of James' neck. James smiles down at the little brunette cradled in his arms and then grins at his smaller yet older brother. "I always knew you had it in you," he whispers at the Latino.

Carlos chuckles. "Thanks, Jamie."

Blushing at the nickname, James gives another grin. "You're welcome, Carlitos."

The night grows silent as the boys huddle close together. Carlos is laid out on the floor with his head lying on Logan's lap. The little brunette is curled up in James' arms, a clammy hand running through Carlos' black hair. And James is leaning against the gravestone, his eyes dropping shut as he holds Logan in his arms. Not one word is spoken or even a thought, until a small sneeze penetrates the air around them.

"Logie, you alright?" James whispers. When Logan's only response is another sneeze, he tilts the boy's chin upwards with his thumb, taking notice of the boy's pale complexion.

"I think he's got e fever," Carlos says once his hand lands on his little brother's forehead. "Come on, James. Let's head home."

James nods in response. He wraps an arm around Logan's back and another one around the back of his knees, easily lifting the tired and sick teen in his arms. Logan just buries his face into James' chest, letting five words slip past his deathly pale lips.

"Goodbye, Kenny. I love you."

**Lame ending, I know. Man, this was lame. Anyway, hope you liked it, Ajay! And to anyone who's reading this, thank you for reading! This story was inspired by the song "Fix You" by Coldplay.**

**~ BigTimeRush-BTR :)**


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